At our core, we are made of
energy. In fact, everything in the universe can be understood as energy in
motion. Science shows us that all matter is composed of tiny atoms that are
constantly moving and vibrating, forming patterns of energy. The speed of these
vibrations—often described as frequency—relates to energy levels: faster
movement corresponds to higher energy, while slower movement corresponds to
lower energy.
As a metaphor, we can connect
these ideas to our emotional lives. Higher “vibrational frequencies” can
represent feelings like joy, love, and gratitude, while lower ones may reflect
fear, anxiety, anger, or fatigue. While this isn’t a literal scientific
mapping, it can be a useful way to think about how our internal states shape
our experiences.
So, what does this have to do
with being gay? Human beings are deeply responsive to one another. The way we
feel about ourselves often influences how we show up in the world. As a queer
person—however you define your beautiful identity—your sense of self can be
shaped by how fully you embrace and celebrate who you are. In my work
supporting queer wellbeing, I’ve seen that when people cultivate
self-acceptance and pride, they tend to experience more positive interactions
and opportunities.
One practical explanation is
behavioral: when you feel good about yourself, you’re more likely to act with
openness, confidence, and authenticity. That, in turn, invites more supportive
and affirming responses from others, reinforcing a positive cycle.
Because of this, it’s important
to address the impact of homophobia and transphobia—especially when those
messages become internalized. Many queer people have had to navigate difficult
paths to self-acceptance. That journey deserves recognition. Take a moment to
reflect on the courage it took to claim your true identity. In a world that can
be unwelcoming or even hostile, choosing to live authentically is an act of
strength.
When harmful beliefs about
yourself go unchallenged, they can evolve into shame-based thinking. Shame can
shape how you see yourself and how you relate to others. It can quietly
influence your thoughts, your behavior, and your sense of worth. In the language
of “vibration,” shame can be understood as something that clouds your energetic
field—pulling you toward self-doubt, withdrawal, or disconnection.
This is why it’s important to
“clean up” your vibrational field from internalized homophobia or transphobia.
Cleaning up your field doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel positive all the
time. It means becoming aware of the shame you carry, questioning where it came
from, and gradually releasing it. This can involve practicing self-compassion,
challenging negative beliefs, connecting with affirming community, and seeking
support when needed. As those layers of shame begin to lift, your internal
state can shift in a meaningful way—you may feel more open, grounded, and
aligned with your authentic self.
At its core, being gay is about
the freedom to love. Coming out is often an act of choosing love over fear. You
can nurture this sense of love intentionally. For example, take time each day
to focus on something or someone you care about—a partner, a friend, or even a
beloved pet. Recall a moment of connection and notice how it feels in your
body. Allow that sense of warmth or ease to expand. Practices like this can
help anchor you in emotional states that support your wellbeing and sense of
connection.
Your internal state is also
influenced by your body, particularly your nervous system. Pay attention to
signs of tension or stress, and find ways to release them—through movement,
rest, breathwork, or other supportive practices. Sometimes tension reflects
daily stress; other times it may be connected to deeper, unresolved
experiences. In those cases, working with a therapist—especially one trained in
somatic approaches—can be especially helpful in learning how to regulate your
nervous system.
Your thoughts, emotions, mindset,
and relationships all shape your experience of life. Notice your thought
patterns. Be aware of your feelings. Reflect on your perspective and the
quality of your interactions with others. As a queer person, cultivating joy
can be a powerful and meaningful part of your life’s purpose.
Life offers opportunities to
grow, to connect, and to contribute. There is value in seeking meaning and
living with intention. You have a right to feel good, and if negative thinking
patterns or unresolved past experiences get in the way, you also have a right
to heal.
Choosing joy as a queer person
can be a powerful form of resistance. In the face of forces that attempt to
diminish LGBTQ+ lives, living openly and joyfully brings something vital into
the world. Your sense of pride, connection, and happiness doesn’t just affect
you—it ripples outward, contributing to a more compassionate and vibrant shared
experience.
© Payam Ghassemlou, MFT,
Ph.D., SEP, is a psychotherapist (www.DrPayam.com),
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
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