Your mind is often busy focusing on
one concern or another. Sometimes you might be dealing with remorse about the
past, and other times you might be worrying about the future. In addition, you
can have thoughts of regret, resentment, and feelings of insecurity which can
all be part of your mental activities. Not to mention some of your painful
memories from the past or dreams about the future. Sometimes your mind, like a
chatter box, can involve critical inner dialogues which can lessen your
enjoyment of life. All these are part of your mental process. It makes sense to learn how to stop listening
to the chatter box, and grow beyond your ordinary mental activities.
Worrying and ruminating about real or
perceived life problems is common because scientific research on the human
brain shows that it is constantly scanning the environment for threats to physical
and emotional safety. Also, the brain gives shorter notice to positive
experiences, usually only two to three seconds before moving on to the next
thought. The negativity bias of the brain coupled with rumination about our problems
can lead to anxiety, depression, and an overall pessimistic view of life.
Fortunately, this is not a hopeless situation because you can learn to grow
beyond the activity of the mind. As the Persian
poet Rumi stated, “Out
beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you
there.”
When you grow beyond identifying with
the activities of your mind, you can reach a loving open field. In this free
space, you are not your thoughts, your intense emotions, and your memories, and
yet you are mindfully aware of them. You can mindfully observe your inner
dialogue and issues that go through your mind and yet you are not trapped by
them. In such an infinite space, you can experience life from a place of
clarity where you don’t let your focus move toward unhealthy habits and
behaviors. This loving open field is not just another state of mind to get to.
It is a way of being.
How can you reach a state of being that
is beyond the activity of your mind? There
is no such thing as one size fits all when it comes to personal growth.
Everyone is unique. Everyone needs to discover their own path to enlightenment
or personal growth. In this brief article, I attempt to offer what I have
learned from Sufi poets and teachers, mindfulness practices, and Jungian
psychology when it comes to taming the busy mind. The goal is not stop thinking
or feeling, but to choose which thoughts and emotions deserve our attention. We
can develop a new consciousness of being watchful of our mental activities and
decide whether to focus on something or letting it go.
Given we live in a world that focuses
heavily on “I think, therefore I am,” as stated by Rene Descartes, it would be difficult
to imagine going beyond our thinking and focus on being. It can be done because
others have done it.
As a start, imagine you are sitting
in your living room and noticing without any judgments all the objects in the
room. For example, you notice the couch, TV, coffee table and few other things
and at the same time you are aware of your presence in the room. You are aware
that you are noticing all the furniture in the room and yet you are separate
from them. You do not over identify with any object in your living room. You
are not judging them, analyzing them or making story about them. You are
completely detached and at the same time present. I like you to use the same
concept as you witness your mind activities. You are looking at your thoughts
and emotions going through your mind without judging them and over identifying
with any of them. You do not define yourself by them. You are the one who is
aware of them, and you can use your will power to choose how much attention you
like to give anything going through your mind.
You can enrich this practice of
witnessing your mind by inviting your heart to participate in the process. Your
heart is a place of connection to love, Divine Oneness, Higher Power, God,
Universal Compassion or anything comforting that feels true to you. You can
activate the feeling of love in your heart by remembering a heartfelt
experience and focus on that. The tool that you have in this process is your
focus. “Whatever you focus on, it becomes your reality.” In other words, “You
energize anything that you give your attention to it.” So why not energize the
love in your heart. You might not be able to stop your mind from producing
thoughts, but you can fill the spaces between your thoughts with energy of
love. The marriage between the heart and the mind can give birth to a new way
of being.
To summarize, you notice your mind as
if you are standing in a train station and watching each train of thoughts
and/or emotions going by without getting on the train. Instead, you can direct your
attention to the love in your heart. You can do that one day at the time, and
experience having a new consciousness in partnership with your heart. Welcome
to a new way of Being.
© PayamGhassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist)
in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.Com
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