For over twenty years, I have been listening to life stories
of many incredible people. It is part of my job. Many people might think I am listening to
their problems, but I hear stories. People who come to me are brave
storytellers. It is a privilege to hear a personal mythology that has never
been shared before. There are times when someone’s story is a mixture of broken
pieces of tragedies and losses. No matter how fragmented and tragic a person’s
story, I know there is a hero somewhere in it, waiting to be validated. I view psychotherapy
as a place of storytelling where a fragmented tale can be weaved into a hero’s
journey, and help people feel proud of their resiliency and courage to survive.
This is how people become mythical beings. Often the emotional wounds begin to
heal once the personal narrative finds a voice.
Sometimes the stories are forgotten, or filled with emotional
intensity that is too painful to share. It is not easy to share narratives that
have been captive by fear and shame in the dark corner of one’s memory. I
empathized with how hard it must be to liberate a personal story that is filled
with tragedies. Perhaps, the story was shared once before, and the storyteller
did not receive the empathy she or he deserved. With the help of a caring
listener, private life stories can see the light of consciousness. Sometimes a
person’s sense of wellbeing depends on transforming painful untold stories into
to healing narratives.
What happens to those banned stories that don’t break away
from the basement of one’s repression? It is not uncommon for emotionally
injurious life events to get pushed out of the realm of awareness. But they do
find a back door to escape. Those forbidden tales find expression through
reenactment which is unconscious compulsion to repeat the traumatic past. I
sometimes notice an unhealthy pattern of behaviors in people’s lives correlates
with their unexamined past histories.
Once the tale of mistreatment is empathized with, reflected upon, and
understood, it often leads to insight and behavioral change. People do not have
to recreate their history of mistreatment. It is hopeful to know that
illuminating significant life events to gain insight, and find meaning in them
can be a liberating experience.
There are times that one’s personal story is filled with so
many atrocities that sharing them can feel re-traumatizing. Sharing one’s
traumatic tale needs to be done with the help of a trained counselor. It takes
special clinical skills to help someone not only find a channel to release the
untold story but reveal the truth of what one endured. During one’s
psychotherapy process, the untold or forgotten personal story can be conveyed
through dream analysis, bodily sensations (somatic psychotherapy), dance
movements, psychodrama, drawings, sand tray images, paintings, journaling, and
other channels of expression. We are living in an exciting time in which
healing counseling tools are available to people.
Not all personal stories involve devastation. Life stories
that involve joy, accomplishments, and overcoming obstacles need to be embraced
as well. Such uplifting legends can be life affirming and lead to feelings of
gratitude. Having a balanced view on life experiences can add harmony to one’s
life. We all carry special stories that once acknowledged and understood can
add meaning to our lives and inspire others. Everyone deserves to be heard and
deeply understood.
© Payam
Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California.
www.DrPayam.Com
